We are not that old I am 42, she is a bit younger. He was easy to surprise or seduce, although he needed a good 24 hours to recharge before getting it up again, during which he completely shied away from me. This year I found myself immersed in our home and family because this was what we wanted, this is what we had worked for. I knew my husband was sexually domineering before we got married, and I kinda liked that. I stay up late with him, flutter my eyelashes and place a hand on his thigh or suck lightly on his earlobe. Individual therapy can assist you with meeting these goals, as can couples therapy, if your husband is open to this. Marriage can be challenging at times especially when there’s no intimacy or connection. I think this is bull. It is easy to forget to take care of yourself when you are so concerned about the well-being of others. It was supposed to make everything all better, but I spiraled downward, lonelier and bitter. But my first mistake was assuming this could be taught. I feel it’s me against 3 and I am needing attention elsewhere. I thought it was happening only to me lol ….my husband of 20 years and father of 3 is sleeping in the appartment/office downstairs 3 years now… the easy for him reason is that that I am not allowing him to smoke upstairs (I had enough of him smoking in the house, and had enough complaing for 10 years not to smoke indoors). I thought that if I fit the traditional role of “wife,” focusing all of my energies on our family, he would come back to me and see me as a sexual being again. I was six months out of an abusive relationship and wanted to feel safe while enjoying a man’s company. ? What measures are you and he willing to take? I hooked up with the bartender one night. Mine hasn't slept with me for two years and now is in a different house, even, and he still doesn't want a divorce. Right. When I get up in the morning, I often end up waking him up and telling him to go to bed. I was 29yrs while she was 25yrs and now we are living like old people and even old people enjoy sex. laflor/Getty Images. I have to wear earplugs, foam, to the shape of my ear canal on each ear, because she snores loudly. Maybe he acted like a bachelor because he was one; maybe he felt guilty getting crazy with me when I wasn’t his wife. We may resort to coping styles that are familiar to us because it may feel comfortable or easy to react in a certain way. am Benjamin, Its always most of women that gives complain about we men. I had to decide that if something unusual [like a tornado alarm or a weird noise in my house or an emergency phone call makes the phone ring] occurs, then my wife will have to wake me up. Gail, I am sorry to hear about your situation. He says the stress of his job—he’s a police officer and works evenings—makes him need to “decompress” after his shifts by “vegging out” in front of the TV. For every woman who complains her husband won’t have sex with her, there’s a 100% certainty that woman tried to manipulate her husband by withholding sex. I love her, I love our kids, I have no plains to leave, but their has not been any sex for a long time now. let me just clarify: I wouldn’t allow my future husband to marry a 18 never married single gal, but if he’s going to marry a widow, a divorced or older lady who couldn’t get married, then maybe, maybe we can talk about him getting a second wife…. Some context: Pops was a Police Chief. It could be that your "tone of voice" upsets him more than you realise. When a man doesn't want to sleep with his wife, something is seriously wrong. It’s not that either of us lost our looks. Some men also think you are saying they are gay because they don't want to sleep with their wife. I used to wake him up with kisses, teasing, boldly climbing on top of him and having my way. Dear Abby: I knew my husband for two years before we married four years ago. Offhand I would image he is down about life or “unhappy” about the relationship. Over the years he continued to pull away from me. My wife has changed after I gave her a ring. He is mentally not so hot, very depressed and won't seek help, so I think I am going to call it quits finally. But it wasn’t frequent. If he’s feeling emasculated already, he doesn’t want you trying to make it better or fix it for him. I am around equipment that is hydraulic, pneumatic, fuel propelled, automatic in a manufacturing setting. I have had to do this with my own spouse. He might have grown in those months to prefer the tv on. That being said, following are some things that helped in my marriage, not solved completely but helped: Get time away from your children to be just with your spouse as the friend and partner your spouse married. I failed. Charlene, I must admit I do not cope well with anniversaries and holidays any more. The only thing he can do to protect himself now is to refuse to initiate, and turn you down if you do. From your account, you have expressed your desires and concerns to your husband, yet they have neither been validated nor led to change in where your husband spends his time at night. Marriage, legitimacy. This is a very hard thing to talk about with your husband because a mans sex drive is his man hood.. Men take great offense to this conversation even if you are trying to help or fix the problem. My husband won't sleep with me? It may not be pleasant at first, but it is a roadblock to resolving an issue that is important. I have caught him numerous times on porn. It may not be a cure but it is a starting point. You describe your relationship as like “ships passing in the night,” but previously you felt like you had a strong and connected marriage. My subsequent pregnancies were a fluke, happening on the first try. The one-sided nature quickly felt dirty and wrong. He mixes a mean martini and loves me more than anyone has ever loved me. Sometimes I miss the simple pleasure of kissing more than sex. Right next to me, and normally with her head on my shoulder, is the one person in the world that I want to be intimate with, and the feeling are not returned. I mean i try to be understanding but its been 4 months and i dont even know what to do now. I am emotional and physical: I love hard. One night of short sleep is different from consistently not sleeping well as one’s body requires. I truly can’t remember the last time he went down on me—four years ago, maybe? He was afraid to hurt me and wanted to let me sleep. We connected sexually and drove each other crazy with desire … but I didn’t want to start a family with any of them. Wife Won't Sleep With Me: What To Do When Your Wife Won't Sleep With You. 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